Ask Beetlejuice!
by Warlock In Disguise
Summary: Ever had something you wanted to ask Beetlejuice, Lydia, Ginger, or Jacques? Well now's your chance! Beetlejuice belongs to Tim Burton and I intend on no copyright infringement! I just wanted to give this a whirl.
1. Intro

Ginger did her usual tap dance routine in front of a small video camera on a tripod when she suddenly saw a strange shadow in the corner of her eye that came with a ghoulish sound. After being distracted for some seconds, she mumbled "Beetlejuice..." and then turned back to the camera.

But the camera was gone.

Meanwhile, in a certain poltergeist's bedroom, the ever lovable Beetlejuice and his best friend Lydia set up the said camera.

"Beetlejuice, are you_ sure_ that this is your camera?", Lydia questioned.

"Aw Babes, you know me, what makes you think I was stealing something that isn't mine?", he assured her.

"Mm-hm..." She was still suspicious of course. Why? Because she _did_ know him.

Her suspicions were confirmed when an angry Ginger entered the room.

"Hey! It's okay to knock you know!", BJ angerly said.

"But it's NOT okay to steal my camera!", the spider protested, "It's a rental! I was going to use it to audition for a variety show!"

"Pfft, whatever!", Beetlejuice ignored, "We're doing something funner with it anyway!"

"Like what?", Ginger said.

Lydia then came into the conversation, "I hope you don't mind if we _barrow_", she gave Beetlejuice a look, "this camera, me and Beej have been getting a lot of fan mail lately from the show, and we thought we'd just film ourselves answering it."

"Oh! Really? Sounds like fun!", Ginger said, suddenly cheering up, "Can I join you?"

"WHAT?", said Beetlejuice, "No wa-"

"Actually, some of these are for you. Why not?"

"Huh? But Lyds-"

"Quiet BJ!", Lydia whispered to him, "It was her's in the first place! Think of it as payment."

"But I don't like paying!", he whined. I mean seriously, why do you think he stole it in the first place?

"Great!", Ginger clapped, "Can Jacques answer same too?"

"No-"

"-Yes", Lydia gave him a look again. Beetlejuice slumped in defeat.

"Great!", Ginger said again, "I'll go get him!"

She then hurriedly ran out of the room.

"What the heck Lyds?", BJ questioned, "Why do _they _have to be part of this?"

"Beej, people ask them questions too, and it's not like it's gonna kill you!"

"That's because I'm dead already...", he mumbled to himself.

Lydia sighed, and got ready to start filming.

So, what are these questions? Well, I don't know, YOU haven't typed it yet! That's right!

You get to write stuff you want to ask the characters in the comments! Beetlejuice, Lydia, Jacques, Ginger, The Monster From Across the Street -

"WHAAAT?"

Live with it BJ - maybe even the Maitlands will make an apperence!

"Oh _great!_"

Yeah, yeah. Anyway, comment! And your questions will be answered in the next chapter and some more to came after it!

Have fun!


	2. Well, there you go

"Okay", Lydia said,"the first one is from **Starling Powers**. There's two questions..."

**OK...so ol' Beej...why be so angry when Lyds goes out with Prince Vince?**

"Simple! That jerk was trying to take my best friend!", Beetlejuice said sternly.

"What makes you say that?", Lydia said, raising an eyebrow.

"Uh...well...I was kind of sure of it at that time when...", he answered, stuttering, "he and you went off on your date at...mini-golf..."

You could hear Jacques and Ginger snickering.

"Hey! What are you guys laughing at?", he barked at them (and not literally, mind).

"I think it was more then friendship you were jealous for Beetlejuice!", Ginger giggled.

Lyds eyes got wide, "Huh?"

"WHAT?", said Beetlejuice, getting up, "Just exactly what _kind_ of pervert do you think I am?"

Jacques and Ginger then burst out laughing.

Beetlejuice then slumped back into the chair, growling under his breath.

Lydia, trying to change the subject then said, "O-okay...it seems the next one is also for you Beetlejuice..."

**And what is that foul odor of yours? Is it 600 years of constipation?**

"Oh dear...", Lydia said to herself.

"Consti-WHAT?", said BJ angerly.

"Constipation, it's when-", Jacques tried to explain.

"I_ know_ what constipation is!", Beetlejuice remarked, he then whispered to Lydia, "Hey Babes, what's that?"

Lydia groaned and whispered something in his ear.

"Ah! No! It's not that!", he said, responding to the question. He then sighed and said, "If you have to know, it's because I'm a rotting dead guy who never bathes."

"Very well answered BJ.", Lydia replied, "This next letter is from **Reader**."

**I have questions for BJ: How would you describe your relation with your**** family? **

"Well, I think my folks are dull and boring and way too uptight when comes to menial things like 'jobs' and 'hygiene'.", Beetlejuice began, "But I _guess_, they were kind of fun sometimes. And they did say they only nagged me because they love. Kind of a weird way to show if you ask me..."

There was a pause.

"What?", Beetlejuice exclaimed.

"Beetlejuice," said Lydia, "What about Donny?"

"What about him?"

"Isn't _he _your family too?"

"Eh, probably."

"_Beetlejuice!_"

"Alright, alright. Well, I think he's crazy, and not in the good way. He's always being way too nice! Even to me!", Beetlejuice claimed, "I just don't understand him. In fact, I don't get anyone in my family!"

"It's true," Jacques added, "if there's any place were Beetlejuice is most misfitted, it has to be his family."

"Shut up."

"Now, now BJ," said Lydia, "it's time for the next question. Oh! This one's for me..."

"No need to be surprised Babes." BJ said with a smile.

**Lydia:What's the number one thing you would like to do to Claire**** Brewster? (that rich brat :P)**

"Ah, old Claire," Beej reminisced, "Good times, good times."

"Hm...", Lydia puzzled, "That's kind of a hard one actually. All the most horrible - and admitingly satisfying - things have already been done to her by Beetlejuice."

"Yeah...", Beetlejuice said, looking back at all the fabulous pranks he had pulled on Claire in past and the ones he most likely would in the future.

"But, the image of her being dropped into a pit of cockroaches has always crossed my mind.", Lydia decided, "I'll go with that."

"Great!" said Beetlejuice excitedly, "Now, if you excuse me Babes..."

He then started to run off, probably off to do what Lydia had just said, but then she grabbed him by the back of his shirt and said, "Oh no BJ, there's still some more questions to be answered!"

Beetlejuice once again went back to his seat, mumbling a bit under his breath.

"The next person is **PersonWithNoAccount**."

"No account of what?", BJ remarked.

"Ugh..."

**BJ & Jacques: After the episode "Skeletons in the closet", some people think you guys, you know, like like each other. What do you two think of this?**

The poltergeist and the skeleton almost died a second time, "_**WHAAAATTTT?**_"

"Oh mon dieu!", Jacques exclaimed, "Who would spread such lies?"

"Someone who'll be joining us real soon! That's who!", BJ said, pushing up a sleeve.

"Now _calm down_ Beej!" Lydia said, "Rumors happen all the time! At least people know now that it's not true!"

"Yeah, I guess...", Beetlejuice said.

"Okay, the next one's for you Ginger!"

**Ginger: Do you know that if Beetlejuice wasn't around, you'd be a snobby movie star?**

"Hah!", Ginger laughed, "You make it sound like I need Beetlejuice to be around that way! Also, I'm a tap dancer! Not an actress! Where did you get an idea like that?"

Beetlejuice simply sighed and rolled his eyes.

"The next person is," Lydia said, "**Amy Serlin**..."

**BJ: Why do you keep around a little girl, who is 12-ish? Why not like a older girl, like me? jk jk**

"Because she's my best friend!" said Beetlejuice defensively, "And that's because she's the one person who's nicer then everybody else!"

"And to be honest," Lydia added, "he doesn't really know you."

"Well put babes."

**Lydia: what would you do without BJ? You guys do everything together, so what would happen if you could not hang out with BJ for a day?**

"Hm," Lydia thought, "just for one day? Well, it would depend on how the day would go. If it was a neutral day, not too good but not too bad, or a surprisingly really good day I guess it wouldn't be so bad and I could wait until the next day."

"Hey!"

"But if it was a bad day, like Claire Brewster was being snobbier or my parents decided to randomly move, I probably would be desperately crying out Beej's name..."

"That's the spirit babes!"

So, did those answers satisfy you? Did I keep them in character well enough? Do you want there to be another chapter of this? If so, WRITE IN YOUR QUESTIONS!

Next time I think I might let Prince Vince come in, so if there's anything you want to ask him, go right ahead.

"WHAT?"

Yes, the stupid jerk that tried to steal your best friend. Please be nice to him, he's emo, and a prince.

"Yeah, whatever..."


	3. Jobs, Tailmans, Parents, Oh My!

"Hey Lyds", Beetlejuice whispered, "What are Monster and Jacques doing here? Last time time I checked, nobody asked them anything!"

"Well, there's one question that said it was for everybody, so I figured I'd have them join us.", she responded, whispering back.

"Well then why is bummer boy here?"

"Because somebody did actually ask him something in specific."

"Oh _great_."

"Don't be mean to him, alright."

"Fine, fine, just for you Babes..."

"Great!", Lydia exclaimed, "First question is from **Demonwolf**."

**Alright, if you don't mind, I have a question:**  
**My job requires that I deal with people of all kinds. Beetlejuice, what can I do to improve certain people's manners without getting fired?**

"You're relying on BEETLEJUICE for business advice?"

"Can it Jacques.", said Beetlejuice, "Well...I personally would give them a test of their own medicine."

"Oh dear.", Lydia said.

"Though it does depend on the behavior of course." he said in 'sophisticated' way. He then got up and said, "For example, if their a talker, give em' a mouthful!"

He then revealed a handful of novelty, wind-up, dentures and threw them at Monster. Monster shrieked as the dentures bit his bum, legs, arms, and other areas. Beetlejuice laughed in delight.

"Beetlejuice,", Lydia said sternly, "They said _without_ getting fired."

"Huh? Really? Oh well."

Lydia sighed and said, "Next is **Reader**."

**I've seen a show about a person who collects special magical talismans. The talisman are based in the Chinese zodiac. Here is a list of powers:**

** Dragon (combustion)**  
**Horse (healer)**  
**Pig (heat beam)**  
**Ox ( super strength)**  
**Snake (invisibility)**  
**Rabbit(super speed)**  
**Sheep (astro projection) or your soul leaves your body**  
** Monkey ( shape shift into any animal)**  
** Rooster(levitation)**  
** Dog(immortality)**  
** Tiger(balance) seperates your ying and yang. Become two good and evil.**  
** Rat(animation) motion to the to bring life to statue or toy.**

** This question is for everybody: which talisman would you prefer to use?**

Beetlejuice scoffed, "I can already do almost everything on this list. _But_...I guess it would be nice to animate stuff without having to possess them...so I guess Rat."

"Fits your personality.", Ginger laughed.

"Shut up," he glared, "What would YOU choose then?"

"Well...", Ginger pondered, "I'd like to use Horse to help people." She this with a sweet smile.

"Oh please."

Ginger glared at Beetlejuice as Jacques proudly answered, "Ox!" while flexing his left arm.

"I'd use the monkey.", Monster answered, "That way I can turn into a dog and ask my Poopsie what's wrong."

Beetlejuice then transformed into a monkey and imitated one. Monster gave him and glare and he stopped.

"I would use the snake!", Prince Vince proclaimed dramatically, "For then I can bare the times, when all I can do, is be, invisible!"

Beetlejuice rolled his eyes, he then smiled at Lydia and said, "What about you babes?"

"Sheep."

The room was silent for a bit. "That's it?", he asked.

"Yeah sheep.", she put simply, she then said to change the subject, "This next letter is from **BlackRosesWhiteRoses**."

**Lydia & BJ: Do you two have some sort a, you know, going on?**

"No, we don't know.", Beetlejuice said, "Moving on."

"Next," Lydia said, "Is **Whgoops**."

**My question is for Prince Vince: What made you so depressed in the first place?**

"Oh _great_.", Beej groaned, "Here we go."

"Because nor royal status or great wealth can bring doth one true happiness. Not when one receives no love from a mother or a father or given any proof of an existence of such society respected beings!"

"So...you have no idea who or where your parents are and that's why you're sad?", Lydia asked sincerely.

Vince glumly nodded. Beetlejuice yawned, everyone else shoot him a glare.

"What?"

"This one is from** ConfusedZombie**."

"Look pal, you're not the first zombie to get confused, okay?"

"Oh Beetlejuice..."

** I'm not that good to come up with questions, I always need my time to think, but I think i can share one or two right now. **

** First one for Lydia: Is your natural haircolour really black? If it is, I do so envy you! But if not, then tell me your real haircolour.**

** Second for Ginger: How many times do you step on your own feet? I do it all the time and I have only two. x)**

"Yes," Lydia answered, "It's my natural hair color."

"But how?", Jacques asked, "Your father is blond and your mother, she is a redhead!"

"Delia is my _step-mom_.", Lydia corrected, "My birth mother had black hair, she died 8 years ago."

"Oh, I'm sorry." Ginger said, putting a hand on Lydia's lap, "I'll try to see her sometime."

"Thanks, but I'm okay." Lydia reassured, "How about your question Ginger?"

"Well,", Ginger said, smiling again, "As an aspiring tap-dancing spider, I'd bond to do so here and there. We all make mistakes!"

"Last is **Who Wants To Know?**"

"We wants to know", said Beetlejuice, "No wait, we don't."

**So, if you and Lydia aren't an item does that mean you're available Beej? Promise not to quash that prank creativity you got goin... besides I'm just as random and manic as you are...and I have ideas...and would love to see them come to life...oh like you know...tying Gingers feet together...using the furball next door as a toilet scrubber and making Jacques into a talking xylophone. Mwa hah hah**

"I'm currently enjoying my bachelor status, but I do like the way you think! I should defiantly sneak you into the Netherworld sometime..."

And that's all for this chapter folks!

Our special guest next time will be the Maitlands from the movie, my will they be interested in who Lydia's been spending time with lately! Or if you guys don't like those two, Vince, Monster, and everyone else will still be here for ya! Good night!


End file.
